I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
