hotel room ftw
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
