Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
