I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Holy sore nipples Batman
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He shit in the fireplace
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
