I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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