How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
