What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
