I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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