if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
