the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
