If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
