Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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