Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
