did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
