I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think my vagina is haunted
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
