you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
