1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
