I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
