If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
