Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
