my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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