I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
