They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
