i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
