Cold hands, warm shart.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
