I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
