The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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