im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
