fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize