fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
