dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
