am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
