i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
