So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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