Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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