She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
