lets start a swedish sibling band together
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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