What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
