We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
