yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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