How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
