how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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