I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
