So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
