Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
