I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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