What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Semen is not good for contacts.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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