i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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