chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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