They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
