She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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