remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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