We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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