You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
