return my video game
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
