Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
