Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
