do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my being single is dangerous.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
