you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
