I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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