you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
