you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
