Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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