Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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