he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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